


Mister Congeniality

by moonboyblues



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Alternate Universe - Miss Congeniality Fusion, F/F, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Iwaizumi wishing to D word 24/7, M/M, Oikawa in his Sassy Glory, Pining Iwaizumi Hajime, will have additional tags as the story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:49:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27079873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonboyblues/pseuds/moonboyblues
Summary: He is beauty. He is (somehow) grace. He'll punch you in the face.AlternativelyA Miss Congeniality!AU where Iwaizumi Hajime is a detective, who gets assigned to an undercover mission where he'll pose as a pageant contestant. Oikawa, his partner and best friend, helps (and annoys him) along the way.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	Mister Congeniality

**Author's Note:**

> Who's busy with online classes but decides to write a multi-chaptered fic anyways? Me. I'm a sadist, I think. Anyways, I have long wanted to write this fic. It's heavily based off Miss Congeniality and [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16326545) amazing fic, Your Heart for My Tiara.
> 
> As of now, I don't know how many chapters it will be, but I promise it won't go past 30 or so. Hopefully.
> 
> Thank you to [my beautiful girlfriend](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyugapineapple) for being such an amazing beta and my no. 1 supporter! Ily!!!

If life was a movie, Iwaizumi is convinced he is in the comedy genre.

There is just no way this is happening to him right now. He’s a good cop, he never had done dirty business, nor did he ever wrong someone. His motto is to be honest, sincere, and dedicated for the things he’s passionate about. He is not religious, but that doesn’t mean he is immoral.

Maybe that is the problem. Maybe he should’ve prayed more.

Because if his life was a movie, indeed, the screen would focus on the way his face contorted, a funky music on the background with a recorded laughter, as he, hopefully as the main protagonist, explains what brought him to this position.

Oikawa is putting body oil on him, and he is wearing a speedo that was too tight he is sure his ass crack is definitely outlined.

In any minute now, he is going to embark the stage. Barely clothed. With his chest and pecs all for show on live broadcast and in front of a live audience. He shivers at the very thought that somewhere, his mother and younger sister are laughing at what became of him.

A pageant contestant.

Iwaizumi prays, for the first time in his life, to all gods out there for someone to jump out and yell ‘Cut!’.

* * *

_A month ago_

Iwaizumi knew he should never _ever_ trust Oikawa and his ideas. His past experiences with embarking on Oikawa and his ridiculous plans proved nothing but trouble to him, but somehow, his best friend managed to rope him into another one of his dumb ideas yet again.

 _“Iwa-chan, we’re doing it to see who has the best aim between the both of us!”_ yelled Oikawa, with a look of determination as he handed Iwaizumi a wooden slingshot precisely an hour ago. _“Come on, if we really are sharp shooters, we won’t cause any damage!”_

Yeah, Iwaizumi really should never have listened. Now that he looked back to it, he realized how stupid that plan sounded.

Said plan put him where he was now: in front of the Chief, who has his arms crossed and the same tired look he sports whenever he heard that either Oikawa or him got into a trouble once again.

There was no exchange of words yet, but the way Chief Irihata’s eyebrow raised indicated one question— _Really?_

“Chief,” Iwaizumi started, hands politely folded behind his back as he bowed his head. “For the record, it was all Oikawa’s idea. I was _forced_ into this—”

“That would be the fifth time he has ‘forced’ you into doing something, Iwaizumi. Fifth time this _week._ And who knows how many times already since the two of you joined the police force two years ago.” Irihata didn’t sound mad, but he didn’t sound amused, either. Iwaizumi gulped at another realization that this might be the last scolding he’ll ever receive. He was going to get fired, wasn’t he?

“I’m sorry I broke your Best Chief of Police award.” Iwaizumi admitted, dejectedly turning his head down, as he tried not to run to his best friend right now and smash his head to any flat surface.

Irihata was still silent, but after a few minutes, he let out a sigh. It sounded like a father who was disappointed with his child, which made it hurt a little bit of Iwaizumi’s pride. He’d rather have his coach barking at him than this look of giving up he has on his face. “You’re a brilliant officer, Hajime. Besides your antics with Oikawa, you have a stellar record. So lift your head up, I’m not gonna fire you.”

Iwaizumi instantly perked up, already grinning. He forgot how forgiving his chief could be, considering that he was right, this wasn’t the first time him and Oikawa got in trouble. “So, I’ll be off now?”

Iwaizumi recognized the devious grin on his chief’s face too late. As his eyes widened, Irihata casually took out an envelope from his desk and slapped it onto the table. “Not so fast. I guess this is the best time to present you with your new assignment, isn’t it?”

He knew it. There was no chance he was getting out of this scratch-free. He dreaded the enormous amount of cases he’ll be taking care of as punishment, but the manila envelope before him looked rather thin.

Was he going to be given a major assignment?

Both curious and scared, Iwaizumi took the envelope and slowly lifts the lid up. The way he pulled the papers out was so slow, it was like he was introducing a pageant winner.

Or maybe, that’s exactly what happened as the first words that greeted his eyes were MR. JAPAN in capitalized letters and in bold.

“What…?”

Irihata leaned back on his chair, no hint of the disappointed-father look left on his face that showed nothing but mischievousness now.

“Congratulations, Hajime. You have your very first undercover assignment!”

The way Oikawa burst into laughter when he told him his predicament made Iwaizumi question whether it was worth it to keep their best friend status.

The older ran his fingers through his short, spiked up hair, no longer afraid of messing up the gel he carefully put every morning. He was too stressed about the current situation that he pays no mind to how he looked like. Which is how the rest of the officers in the room figured that Iwaizumi was in some sort of a ditch right now.

“Let me guess, are you put into suspension?” Sugawara was the first one to jump into the inquisitive boat, pushing his rolly chair off of his desk so he could look over Oikawa’s shoulder and peek onto the papers his best friend was holding.

“I wish.” Iwaizumi grumbled, as he buried his face onto his palms while Oikawa hasn’t recovered from laughing yet.

“Why would you wish that? Oh—”

Now, both Sugawara and Oikawa were laughing at him. Great.

This piqued the interest of the officers more, as they crowded around the brunet and the silver-haired officers, curious to see what was so funny about Iwaizumi’s misery.

“Mr. Japan 2020 bomb threats? That doesn’t sound funny,” Daichi, who Iwaizumi least expected to be curious, read the text out loud. But as soon as his eyes continued to read the letters, a smile started to creep onto his lips. “ _Oh._ ”

Oh, indeed.

“Iwa-chan is going undercover as a pageant contestant!” Oikawa announced to the whole word, throwing his arms up, as he apparently has already regained his senses. Iwaizumi wished he choked on his spit in the middle of his laughing bout, but he could only wish.

“No way!” Nishinoya, the ever active officer, somehow managed to jump over the heads of the officers that were crowding around them. “Dude, that’s so cool! We’re going to see Iwaizumi-san walk the runway!”

Buzzes of chatter continued to spread around them, as Sugawara briefed the other officers over what Mr. Japan was and how it happens. The man seemed awfully knowledgeable of the pageant, so when he declared he was a major fan since it was launched in 2013, Iwaizumi believed him.

While the others feast over his death sentence, Iwaizumi’s eyes zeroed in onto his best friend’s brown ones. Oikawa smiled sheepishly, raising his arms in surrender as if he knew Iwaizumi was about to attack him, which Iwaizumi did.

He grabbed the brunet’s shoulder and pulled him close, glaring at him in the most intimidating way he can. “This is _your_ fault! You better help me talk myself out of it with Irihita-san!”

Oikawa didn’t look one bit bothered, his smile trying so hard to be innocent the craftiness seeped right out of it. “Why? I thought you dreamed to have an undercover mission, Iwa-chan. This is a dream come true for you!”

“Dream come true my ass,” He gritted his teeth, pushing Oikawa away as he took the papers from him. “What I wanted was the cool shit! Like joining a mafia, or pretending to be rich and join the shady country clubs, or underground gangs! I didn’t ask to have a fucking tiara on my head!”

“Come on now, Iwa-chan. It isn’t that bad!” Oikawa shook his head, as if Iwaizumi was the one being ridiculous right now. “And it’s a crown, for your information. Brave of you to assume you’ll ever get to wear it, too.”

Iwaizumi was about to boil over in anger. Instead, he matched Oikawa’s smile, and spoke in a soft voice. “Do me a favor, and jump out of the building right now.”

“You’re too sweet, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa grins outright this time, patting Iwaizumi’s cheek. “Don’t worry, I’ll support you in your pageantry journey! I’ll volunteer as your primary for this case. Imagine having a partner with amazing fashion sense, luscious hair, and the knowledge of being socially likeable!”

Iwaizumi gave Oikawa a distasteful look. “Yeah, I can only imagine.”

“Mean, Iwa-chan!”

Oikawa, being the most excited one for this case, volunteered to be the one to prepare for the presentation to the commissioner committee. As he claimed, it was his way to make it up for what he did. But Iwaizumi knew it was only to torture him more.

“Mr. Japan was launched back in 2013, as the male counterpart for Miss Japan,” Oikawa said as the slide presentation came to life on the projector screen, showing images of almost-naked men. Too naked, for Iwaizumi’s opinion. He bets Oikawa’s gay ass he enjoyed searching for those pictures. “Ever since then, it has gained a rising popularity, especially because the winners became notable part of the entertainment industry, and some of them even have international recognition for their works. Like the 2014 winner and now global actor, Ukai Keishin.”

“I watch Ukai’s movies like it’s my religion. He’s such a good actor.” whispered Sugawara beside him, who gained a quiet laughter from Daichi and Bokuto who sat along with them.

“Man, I wish I had Ukai’s guns. You know what I mean? I’m close to that goal, aren’t I?” Bokuto flexed his biceps for them to see, even if he was in his police uniform, and they were in the audience of the higher-ups that they should be respecting.

“Quiet, you two,” Daichi hissed, although an amused smile was on his lips too.

“However, this popularity brings an issue as well. Most of the participants have been confirmed and speculated as part of the LGBT community. The gay and bisexual people of the community, as well, are the largest consumers of the show, which caused an uproar from the… Let’s say, the members of the population that still have the ‘traditional’ mindset.” Oikawa’s face twisted in disgust as he said those words. “But, really, I’m just going to say they’re homophobic and sexist.” The brunet continues, the scrunch on his eyebrows showing he was mad at that particular aspect of the report.

Oikawa was openly gay, and it was something Iwaizumi was both proud and jealous of. The two of them had been best friends since middle school, and they told each other everything. Well, Oikawa did. He came out to Iwaizumi during high school, which caused an awkward week of tension between the two of them since Iwaizumi was still denial of his sexuality. He didn’t know yet that it was possible to like both girls _and_ boys at the same time, so he thought he was just being weird. So he stayed a good distance from his best friend to process his thoughts, wondering it was worth to open up to his best friend about.

But the courage Oikawa took to admit it to him was surely a lot. It’s his moment, and not Iwaizumi’s. He can deal with his own identity crisis later and support his best friend first. So after a week of being awkward and stupid, he told his best friend he accepted him wholeheartedly.

When Iwaizumi finally realized that he was bisexual during police academy, he didn’t have the time and courage to tell Oikawa.

Now, he has the time to tell his best friend. A lot of it, since they’re mostly partners in cases. But there was one other problem that came along with telling Oikawa about his sexuality.

Iwaizumi pinched his arm as he resurfaced from his thoughts and went back to reality.

“What does this have to do with the case in hand, Detective Oikawa?” said one of the commissioners curtly, his old face looking bored and tired already.

Oikawa looked like he was about to direct his anger towards the man who just spoke, but instantly recoiled from it as he received a stern shake of the head from Irihata. He grumbled under his breath, still, as he pressed the button on the presentation remote a bit harshly. “In addition to that, Ukai Keishin publicly came out as bi last December and declared his relationship with his former stylist, Takeda Ittetsu. You might wonder why I brought this information to the table. Well, this seems to be the root cause of the threats that has been sent to Kozume Kenma.”

“Who’s Kozume Kenma?” asked the same commissioner with a voice that matched his uninterested look. It was comical to see how tight Oikawa was holding the remote. Iwaizumi knew his best friend has little patience to people who cuts his presentation off.

“How can he not know Kenma?” gushed Sugawara, as he subtly pulled his phone out and searched for the pictures of the said man. A man with shoulder-length dark hair and blonde tips appeared on the screen, his face contorted in a way that looked model-like stoic.

“Kozume Kenma is a celebrity stylist with a renowned fashion line and is the appointed consultant for this pageant event. He is also the one who proposed the idea that this year’s fashion show should be televised—like a reality show. He has received three threats as of the moment, all of which has been printed and sent without a return address. The first letter was a generic threat, which stated that the pageant should be shut down as it stains what ‘masculinity’ is supposed to be, and how homosexuality is ruining modern Japan and the future of ‘good men’.” Oikawa said in a mock alarmed voice, before he dropped his expression and rolled his eyes. “I swear I’ve heard this somewhere before. Sounds like how my father scolded me when I came out of the closet.”

“Detective Oikawa,” A female commissioner narrowed her eyes at the brunet, looking unimpressed. “Please proceed to present without the unnecessary personal anecdotes.”

The officers who were there covered their hands as they masked their laughter, as Oikawa continued on with his presentation, unaffected. “Right. So moving forward to the second letter, it contained a very-detailed description this time. How the sender plans to bomb the Prominence Ballroom, where the live event will be showcased. This is a problem, since the information of the event being held at ANA InterContinental Tokyo wasn’t publically announced at that time. Which could only mean one thing.”

“It’s an inside job,” gasped one of the commissioners, nodding his head as he read the slide.

“Spot on!” Oikawa proceeded to the next slide, showing the picture of the said letter. “But it remains as a speculation, which can only be proven in two ways: make a suspect list and interview each of them, which would blow our cover and scare the perp away, or have one of our detectives work inside as well.”

“Who would be our mole?” Another commissioner asked, and Iwaizumi felt the familiar dread tug on his gut at his impending death sentence.

Iwaizumi wondered whether breaking his legs right now from jumping through the window would be too much or not enough to excuse him out of this mission.

Oikawa met his eyes, the brunet’s own ones shining in glee. “My best friend and partner, Iwaizumi Hajime!”

All eyes turned towards Iwaizumi, and he wished he could shrink himself into a size so small no once could see him. Eloquent as ever, he uttered, “Uh. Hi.”

The eyes continued to scrutinize him more while Sugawara and Bokuto chuckled from his side. Iwaizumi’s skin felt so hot he could pass off as having a fever. He wondered whether this could be used as his excuse to drop this case.

The same woman who chastised Oikawa a while ago gave him a look as if she drank sour milk. “Pardon me, Chief Irihata. But why don’t we put Oikawa as the undercover?”

The window looked twice as tempting to jump into now. Unhelpfully, Daichi joined in the laughter that Sugawara and Bokuto shared.

Oikawa answered for the chief. “Why, I’m flattered, madam. I know it seems like I have the face for this case rather than Iwa-chan, but I’m afraid I’m quite known as a detective.”

Iwaizumi would cringe if he wasn’t currently debating the best ways to worm himself out of this case that involved either resignation or death. But he remembered clear as day, how whenever they patrolled the city, young girls would stop and ask Oikawa for a picture. He was the face of Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department, as shown in a big tarpaulin hung above the entrance of their station. On top of that, he went viral as the ‘young and handsome detective’.

Now Iwaizumi wanted to gag. Preferably until he passes out.

Irihata chose to butt in right at that very moment. “I have thoroughly considered the applicable candidates, including Daichi Sawamura and Bokuto Kotarou. But both of these police officers are busy with their own cases right now, and could only play as support.”

Irihata could bluff all he wanted, but Iwaizumi knew he was chosen as a revenge for breaking his chief’s commemorative award.

_Stupid glass thing. Stupid Oikawa. Stupid rusty slingshot skills._

Bokuto snickered and elbowed his side. “Doesn’t it somehow boost your confidence, Iwa? The chief considered us as male pageant material along with Oikawa!”

“I want Oikawa to drown in his bath tub.” Iwaizumi deadpanned, which received a snort from the dip-dyed haired officer.

Oikawa shrugged as he pressed the button for next. “Iwa-chan is the best choice! Even if he forgets to shave sometimes and comes to work with yesterday clothes.” Iwaizumi bristled in his seat, giving Oikawa a look that sent daggers in his way. “No offense, Daichi, but you’re the shortest of the three. You, Boku-kun, have the body and face for a Mr. Japan, but when it comes to the question and answer portion…”

“Hey!” Bokuto and Daichi protested at the same time, taking full offense.

“I hope you are finished with destroying your colleagues’ ego, Detective Oikawa, so you can proceed with your presentation.” Irihata gave them a look that told them to stay silent, which effectively hushed the four of them and put a stop to the banter.

Oikawa grinned apologetically. “As I was saying, Iwa-chan would be our undercover agent. Now, I know he does not have the best fashion sense and needs to polish his runway walk,” Iwaizumi flipped him off as subtle as he could, “but we have contacted Kenma, who would help us get our detective into the pageant and make his cover believable.”

The commissioners talked among themselves and discussed more about the case, whispering like little bees. Iwaizumi still felt like he’d rather self-combust right now. Sugawara showed Daichi and Bokuto the place where the event will be held and a chorus of gasps can be heard as they view pictures of the luxurious hotel. Oikawa, meanwhile, watched Iwaizumi like enjoyed the pain and suffering on his best friend’s face.

A few moments later, the commissioner who sat at the head of the table cleared his throat. All the murmurs come to a stop, and all eyes and ears were on him. “There’s roughly a month before the pageant starts. Chief Irihata, do you have the logistical reports and a good strategy ready?”

Irihata smiled like he was born to take this case on. “All in front of you, sir.”

The commissioner nodded, turning his head towards Iwaizumi. “That settles it, then. Good luck, Detective Iwasaki. It appears that you are the first pageant contestant of TMPD.”

Iwaizumi prayed to all of the deities he knew to save his soul while his friends and the chief himself laughed at his fate.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! It will be lovely to hear your thoughts on this fic. Updates will come 1-2 times in the span of two weeks! (But if I get extra motivated, watch me update earlier). Kudos are very much appreciated!


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